A new night at the House of Top Model. We're please to see that the feud between Nik and Jayla is still simmering along fabulously. Bug-eyed Nik remains convinced that Jayla stole her secret; Jayla remains convinced that Nik is just a silly, sad stupid-head with big old bug eyes.

"She's not gonna last long," Jayla predicts.

What comes next? The photo shoot that always happens in the first half of each episode and that never seems to count toward anything. We'll be surprised if you even remember it by the time this synopsis is finished. Something about black and white film, Vaseline, a hairbrush, a palm frond and -- that's about it. We won't waste your time.

The first real challenge comes the next day, when our diamonds in the rough are transported to something called Camp Technique. A strange man emerges, looking like someone flipped the Great Pyramid of Giza on its pointy end and gave it unnatural intelligence. The man instructs the contestants to run about in a muddy obstacle course. Lisa splashes about like a Javanese fishing cat, demanding her "army grease" and beaming like a gamma ray. Nik makes the best of a pair of pants that fall around her ankles. But Jayla and Kyle act like their femininity is being attacked by a gang of wet dirt. They moan through the course as if each of them were ordered to slice off a pound of their own flesh.

Then comes the real killer: like, talking to somebody, and being all muddy and stuff. The girls have to sit down and impress the editors at ELLEgirl magazine, convincing the panel that the models are wearing the mud; the mud isn't wearing the models. So annoying. Kyle tries winning over the crowd with the hometown girl line she's been using since Day One. Nobody seems to dig it. Lisa shines on like the half-insane wonky-eyed gem that she is. She wins the challenge handily over Nik and Jayla, both of whom got low points for a lack of energy and confidence. Bre also seemed perky during the interview but sagged a bit in a subsequent Polaroid shoot.

Lisa skitters off to enjoy her reward, some one-on-one time with fashion stylist Todd Hallman. Meanwhile, we learn that Kim has transferred her friendship account from the now defunct Bank of Sarah to the Kyle Savings and Loan. But before we can get all excited about those possibilities, we realize that this is more a friendship than a potential tongue swap. We move on. Nothing to see here. We won't waste your time. But we will mention one major point: Kim feels like she's on the verge of going home. As J. Alexander will put it later in the episode, Kim has boarded the gender bender bus, but if she wants to stay in the competition, she's gotta get off and show some versatility. Can the boyish Kim find her feminine side?

"I just want to rock one competition, one challenge, one photo shoot," Kim says.

The next challenge gives Kim just that chance. It involves a ballsy product placement disguised as a challenge. Each girl gets to dress up like a modern-day Vargas painting -- nice to know that at least one contestant, Lisa, knows that reference -- and pose like old-school pinups all over a Ford Fusion.

Out come the corsets. Out come the hairpieces. Carmine red lipstick and liquid eyeliner run amok. Lisa once again exasperates everybody by rocking the shoot. Just rocking it. It's getting a little old, like Lisa's face. Ooh, did we say that? Well the panel -- or, at least Nigel -- thinks she looks old too. We're just saying.

Nicole makes the photographer happy by merely showing her teeth. Bre makes no secret about her lack of breathing ability in that corset. She let the pain hang over her photo shoot like a wet wig, but she still manages to pull out a decent shot or two.

Not so Kyle, who can't manage to unfreeze her face long enough to look interesting -- or even alive. (Later, Jayla wastes no time in beating Kyle down in the confessional, hissing that her competitor has "next to no personality.")

But let's talk about Kim. Has someone been sipping the sissy juice? That's how J. Alexander might put it. Kim may not run like a girl but she can sure pose like one. She's almost unrecognizable as a redheaded rocket of femininity. She blows everyone away.

"This is truly the most feminine I've ever seen you look," raves Jay Manuel, who's also lolling about on the set.

Before we know it, we're at panel again. We've got some extra time to kill, but not much. We've got three minutes, in fact. And in those three minutes, each contestant gets to pick out some clothes that defines her own idea of sexy. We get some boxer shorts, some little black dresses. Yawn. Just bring down the guillotine already.

Kim comes out on top this week. Lisa also continues her winning streak thanks in part to a glaring black and white photo that actually turns out to be of consequence after all. Nik is instructed to get some inner strength forthwith.

But Kyle and Bre end up on the bubble. Kyle's choice in "sexy" clothing is derided by Alexander as "housewives' choice." Bre, meanwhile, makes a sport out of beating herself into a bloody pulp of quivering mediocrity.

"I'm not on the same level as a lot of girls," she confesses to the judges. "When the camera was there I would freeze up ... I was afraid of what people would think when they saw the pictures."

But it's Kyle who's the real loser. Her black and white photo has some fresh edge, but her Vargas shoot looks dead, her expression, as Twiggy puts it, "vacant." Kyle's shocked at being eliminated so early, but we've known for a while that there was nothing to see there.

Next week: Midgets!

Leslie Gornstein lives in Los Angeles and will always -- always -- root for the lone fat girl. Go, fat girl, go.